Handcuffed
by Narutolovesraman
Summary: House decides to kill time by messing with one of his favorite ducklings, Thirteen. Balls, handcuffs, scavenger hunts, and embarrassment ensue. Thirteen/?  See Author's Note for more details
1. The Red Ball Trap  The Prologue

**This takes place sorta AU: After season 7, but House isn't in prison. Yeah….  
>Disclaimer: Don't own House.<strong>

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><p>Thirteen looked down at her pager and groaned. What did House want with her? She made her way down the hallway and took a right, walking past the differential room and into his office without bothering to knock.<p>

"What do you want?" She demanded, getting to the point immediately. House was sitting at his desk, a colorful object in his hands. On her arrival, he looked up at her innocently. Not that he was fooling anyone.

"I'm bored," he drawled, tossing his favorite ball up into the air. "So I have a proposition for you."

_Koosh. _Throw. _Koosh._ Throw. _Koosh. _Throw. _Koo-_

The strangely irritating _koosh_ finally getting to her, Thirteen snatched the ball out of his hands. "What possessed you to think I might actually _consider _anything you proposed?" She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and settled for folding her arms defiantly across her chest, clutching the toy lightly in her right hand. "That doesn't have to do with a dying patient," she reluctantly amended. It was just after lunch. She had better things to do with her time. Like avoiding House.

House looked at her pointedly. "For one thing," He stealthily swiped the red ball back. "I'm your boss." At her incredulous glance –_Really? Are you seriously going to play that card? –_, he continued, "And for another, much more important reason," he emphasized. "I'm bored." His blue eyes gleamed.

"You already said that," she retorted, this time not resisting the urge to roll her eyes. If she had been working anywhere else, such a gesture would have gotten her fired. But as this was House, such a gesture simply fell under keeping one's job. "And I'm not going to resort to playing your childish games when there are lives to save and _you _have been shirking on your clinic duty." There was this small, nagging feeling in the back of her mind, like by just being here, she had landed in some sort of trap. But she pushed back the feeling.

"Well, for one," Throw. _Koosh. _"You haven't gone running out the door yet." Throw. _Koosh. _Throw. "So that means you're at least considering it." _Koosh._ "And Taub's taking care of my clinic duty for me. I always knew I hired the cheater for a good reason." Throw.

The bothersome rhythm was really starting to try Thirteen's nerves. "And it's not like we actually have a case or anything."

_Koosh._

"If that's what you need, then I'm going to head to the ER to _find _us a case." She turned and started walking back to the door.

Throw.

"I didn't say you could leave yet, Thirty-One." _Koosh._ Thirteen whirled around.

"For god's sake, House!" The combination of the irksome habit and the insinuating nickname finally breaking the camel's back, she made two broad sweeps towards her seated superior. In a matter of a few seconds, her fingers were securely curled around the ball and she let out a triumphant grin before it was all too quickly lost by a resounding _snap._

"I thought you didn't believe in God," his eyes were full of mirth.

A mixture of horror and confusion flooded her face. A series of clicking sounds were heard as House wrapped his hands around her wrist.

"House, what the fu-"

"Language," he chastised, wagging a finger playfully. Or as playful as the caustic physician could actually pull off. He swiped at her new jewelry, like a cat might a ball of yarn; or its prey.

"Are those _handcuffs?"_

House let out a cynical smile. "Well, they're not diamonds that's for sure."

The horror on her face quickly turned into anger as she finally managed to wrap her head around what just happened. "House, you _cannot_ have one of your doctors in _handcuffs._"

He quirked an eyebrow. "Well why not? I think they make quite the fashion statement, don't you?" Taking advantage of her distraction, he deftly recovered his toy. "It goes _so _well with your eyes."

"My eyes are _green _House," she gritted out, holding her wrist in front of his face and silently demanding the cuff's imminent removal.

He rolled his eyes. "Matching colors are overrated, if you ask me."

"No one asked you!" The other side of the handcuffs dangled uselessly, gleaming in the office light. When it became clear that he would not acquiesce to her request, she finally demanded, "The _key_, House, I've got actual _patients _to see, and if I'm in handcuffs…" She glared at him.

"Well, it's not like you haven't sported them before." Thirteen's jaw clenched at the reminder. "And I can't."

Her eyes widened in horror. "What do you mean, you _can't_?"

House made a point of sighing loudly. "I mean I don't have the key." At the sight of the murderous look on his subordinates face, he held up his hands in mock fear. "I didn't say I didn't know where it was."

"Then _tell me where it is_," she snapped. "Before I…" She stopped, trying, rather unsuccessfully, to come up with a suitable threat.

"Well," he threw the infuriating shiny object into the air once more, his trademark smirk stretching widely across his face. All too quickly, Thirteen realized that she had indeed walked into a trap. _Well played House_. "Where's the fun in that?"

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><p><strong>You probably noticed the Thirteen? In the synopsis, eh? Well, I don't particularly ship Thirteen with anyone, so depending on who the reviewers end up voting for, I'll end the fic (if I decide to continue) with that pairing (they'll be handcuffed together & will make for lovely stuff). This chapter is unnaturally short: _this is a prologue._ Anyways ~ chow.**


	2. Part 2 of House's Dastardly Scheme

**A/N [PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING]: I apologize for the long wait…simply put, I was caught off guard by the pairing that won. I've never written fem-slash or slash for that matter; BUT that being said, it'll be an exciting experience. Het pairing were getting kinda boring sometimes…and the whole added dimension of 'are they straight or not!' added to the 'do they like me?' dilemma is starting to look incredibly fun to work with. But, I'm also going to make it a triangle due to the fact that it'll give me a crutch to work with and love triangles are more fun in my opinion. :D**

**Be warned though: don't be expecting too much out of me. I love subtext more than actual romance…so it'll probably be subtext/jealousy all over the place until the climax. Then…feelings will be resolved, happy feelings affluent...and yada yada. You get the picture. **

**So yes. Warnings. _This is possibly slash or het. _Continue at your own discretion.**

**Anyways, if support for this fic continues as it started, it won't be in danger of being dropped (unless it causes misunderstandings for me in RL…please understand). If you would like to see the status of the fic, please check my profile (starting from Friday around 5 pm CST)…I usually update the statuses of fics once a week.**

_**For clarity's sake, I switched to first names…i.e. Remy instead of Thirteen, with the exception of, well, House. I will also be progressively changing names in different P.O.V's as relationships progress…if you don't understand what I mean, you'll see in time. **_

**_About the AU:  
><em>House and Dominica happened up until the episode "C is for Cancer"  
>Prison doctor and weirdo doctor are not presentnever happened.  
>"Charity Case" never happened.<br>Every other _major_ instance is canon. **

**Enjoy.**

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><p><em><strong>Thirteen's P.O.V.<br>**_  
>Remy was <em>pissed. <em>Sure they didn't have any patients with seemingly random symptoms and a ticking timer. But, just because House didn't have a patient's life to screw with didn't give him the right to nuke her own. She clenched her teeth in irritation. Who was she kidding? Of course House didn't need rights fuck up anyone's life; being handed the rights would probably be a deterrent more than anything else. Temple throbbing, she continued to calmly storm towards the elevator before reflexively jerking backwards as a bed wheeled past her in a rush.

Her frustration depleted slightly and Remy attempted to brush away the strands of hair that had suddenly obscured her vision. Hand mid-way out of pocket, she remembered with a jolt that there was a higher purpose for her right hand being embedded there. The cold hard metal was an all too clear reminder. _Friggin' House. _

She shook herself roughly. No, she could concentrate on her sudden hatred of House later. The more important objective in her life right now was getting the key to these cuffs so that she could do her job and not get fired by House's boss. The irony of politics.

House seemed determined to have his way with her. Earlier, before she had had a chance to go nuclear on House after his so called '_well where's the fun in that?'_ statement, he had simply told her he'd give her the location of the key. Just like that.

But she wasn't stupid. House would never just _give_ her the location…not after going through all that trouble and drama. There was always a catch.

Then he told her. It wasn't even House's smirk that gave it away, the _catch_ was that obvious.

Her rage reignited by the raw memory, she made the last few strides to the elevator door before jabbing the down button with a fury that would have cowed Mohammad Ali.

As the doors opened and a handful of doctors piled out, she pressed the number one as she slipped inside. Alone as it started to descend, Thirteen's thoughts began to wander. That smirk meant, amongst other things, that House expected her to resort to get caught in an awkward and/or sticky situation. Well, why couldn't she just ask for the key? Why did she _have_ to not get caught? There wasn't anything particularly embarrassing about this situation, if she explained it anyways.

Pleased, Remy smiled to herself. Maybe it really was that easy. Maybe House really wasn't a _total_ ass. Just a bored ass. Then reality started to kick in, melting her smile. _But this was House._

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><p><em><strong>Cameron's P.O.V.<strong>_

"Dr. Cameron!"

The doctor in question turned around, startled. She had been idly staring at her computer screen, twirling a pen. The ER was oddly quiet and she hadn't anything better to do, but it still felt as if she had been caught slacking off.

Trying to hide her embarrassment, Allison stood up quickly to greet the younger doctor.

"Dr. Hadley…is there something you need?" She looked at the brunette quizzically; although they had been working at the same hospital for quite sometime, it was funny how she could count on one hand the number of instances that they had actually spoken. Perhaps it was because she was avoiding the person who had taken her job; perhaps it was just the way of life.

The other doctor smiled awkwardly before gesturing to an empty room. "Do you mind if we talk privately?"

Allison resisted the urge to let her eyebrows shoot up. _What could she possibly want to talk about privately with _me_ of all people? _

Of course, despite their limited interaction, Allison had heard more than enough about the doctor due to idle gossip. She was a private person, perpetually surrounded by a mysterious aura; she wouldn't suddenly approach Allison if it wasn't for something important. Or…

Feeling her face start to redden, she hurriedly directed the doctor to one of the many vacant rooms.

"Of course," she half-mumbled. She hoped the slight pause preceding her reply had gone unnoticed. Judging by Dr. Hadley's small, amused smile, apparently she wasn't that lucky. Allison coughed to give herself a chance to recover herself.

As if taking pity on the older doctor, Dr. Hadley spoke up as soon as they were out of earshot.

"If you could just give me the key, I'll be on my way."

Allison's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What?" _Key? What key…_

Dr. Hadley frowned as confusion flitted across her face. "House said he gave you a key," she trailed off, noticing the doctor's blank look. She then lifted her right hand out of her pocket.

"Oh my god," Allison gasped, staring. "He did _not.._."

Dr. Hadley chuckled wryly. "House does a lot of things he shouldn't." Noting that Allison truly didn't know anything about her predicament, she offered, "Well, perhaps he slipped it into your pocket when you weren't looking."

Allison rifled through her coat, pulling out a couple of small papers and a pack of gum before finally looking up at her younger colleague with a hopeless look. "Sorry."

Her frustration reaching a boiling point, Dr. Hadley snapped, "_Damn it House." _ Allison jumped, startled. The brunette looked apologetic and a tad bit ashamed.

"Sorry," she sighed, pushing her hair back. "It's just been a long day, and I don't want to get fired by Foreman, _again I might add_," she muttered before continuing. "Because House is being an ass." She rattled the handcuffs for emphasis.

Allison smiled slightly, amused by the gesture. "No, it's fine. Just…" she dwindled off, as if wondering how to approach the topic.

"Hmm?" Dr. Hadley looked at her, motioning for her to continue.

"Why would House tell you I'd have the key?" The perplexed look on her face deepened.

Dr. Hadley looked startled at the question. "I…don't know," she stumbled. Quickly recovering, she continued in a more neutral tone, "But who knows half the reasons House does the things he does, anyways?"

Allison nodded, not really listening, lost in her own thoughts. _Why hadn't she interacted more with Dr. Hadley? Was it really because she felt like she had taken her old job? Or was it more along the lines of her proximity to House and Chase? _

"Cameron?"

Startled out of her reverie, Allison looked at the other doctor in confusion. "I'm sorry, what was that?" Realizing that she had been caught not paying attention, her face started to heat up.

Dr. Hadley laughed. "I said I would stop bothering you now and just go demand the key from House."

"Then I'll go with you."

The sudden, honest, reply caught both off guard.

Dr. Hadley was the first to recover. "That's right, I'd heard you had problems leaving people in need," she joked, smiling at the other doctor. "But I should be fine on my own." Obviously, the other doctor's offer had taken them both by surprise. This would offer her a way out.

Allison grimaced. "I do not _have_ to help people," she retorted, walking passed Dr. Hadley and out of the room. When she realized the other doctor wasn't following her, she turned around, hands on hips. "Those cuffs aren't going to unlock themselves you know."

She could have sworn that Dr. Hadley's eyes glazed over for a second before she shrugged and nonchalantly walked passed her.

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><p><em><strong>Thirteen's P.O.V.<strong>_

_Oh, fuck House, you _knew_ this would happen. _

Remy fought to keep a straight face in the elevator. She had instantly understood what Cameron had thought when she asked to speak to her in private. Normally, she would have told her flat-up that she didn't go after straight girls.

But she didn't say anything.

_Well, why the hell not. _

"Dr. Hadley?"

The voice abruptly shook Remy out of her reverie and into the face of a much too close Dr. Allison Cameron. She resisted the urge to splutter and back up into the wall.

"Are you alright?" Cameron's concerned face loomed closer as she tried to get a better look at her colleague. This time Remy couldn't help but take a step backwards.

"Sorry." She forced a smile. "Just thinking about the hundred and one ways I'm going to kill House." _Not completely inaccurate, _she thought, wryly.

Cameron didn't look thoroughly convinced, but the answer was enough to make her step back.

"You could always take away his cane. Sabotage his mode of transportation," she supplied, grinning. For some reason, Remy found the image of a helpless House incredibly funny and had to use all of her self control to refrain from descending into maddening laughter. Unfortunately, a small snort of laughter escaped her; a sound that didn't go unnoticed by Cameron.

"You found that funny." The blonde doctor's face started to stretch into a wicked grin.

Remy quickly composed herself and retorted with, "Did not." Mentally she cursed herself…did she really not have any better repartee than a childish _did not_?

"Did too." Cameron was staring at her, eyes twinkling mischievously.

The juvenile continuance left Remy's mouth ajar. _What?_ She was saved from replying when the _ding_ of the elevator and the opening of the doors revealed none other than…

"_Allison?_"

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><p><em><strong>Cameron's P.O.V.<strong>_

The familiar British accent tore Allison's eyes away from Dr. Hadley.

"Robert." She fought to keep her voice flat and cool, but it was proving to be harder than one would think, him being her ex-husband and all.

"What are you doing?" He was looking at her with bafflement and something else she couldn't quite read.

"Going to see House with Dr. Hadley."

Chase made a show of sweeping his hands. "And you guys are standing that close because…?"

Confusion swept across her face as she turned back to face the other doctor, suddenly realizing their close proximity. The two were standing, in an elevator that could hold at least a dozen doctors, a mere few feet apart.

Sighing, Allison grabbed Dr. Hadley's left arm and pushed their way past Chase.

"Because we're _friends_, Robert." Still barreling ahead, she didn't bother to turn around, muttering, "Not that that's something you would know."

A minute's pause followed with,

"H-Hey! I do too have friends!" Allison rolled her eyes. It was only when they were out of earshot from her former husband and a few feet from House's office that Dr. Hadley spoke up.

"I don't suppose you'd mind loosening your grip?" Allison gasped as she realized she was still dragging her aforementioned friend (rather unceremoniously, she might add) behind her, and whirled around, dropping the arm as if it had suddenly been set on fire.

"I'm so sorry!" The blonde profusely apologized to a rather amused Remy Hadley. "When I see Robert, it kind of sets me on edge," she confessed.

Dr. Hadley smirked. "I could tell by your iron-clad grip," she replied, watching in mild delight as Allison reddened fairly quickly.

Allison could only remain rooted to her spot as the younger doctor strode past her and into House's office with just the barest traces of a smirk.

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><p><strong>On a side note, I'm going to <em>try<em> to update this once a week…every Thursday. Probably not the _smartest_ thing to do with finals looming closer (actually next week)…but I figured updating once a week (with a slightly lesser word count than I'd like) is better than updating once every 6 months with maybe 1000 more words. **

**So! Review! Support your favorite pairing (Cameron/Chase or Cameron/Thirteen) as the reviewers dictate the ending. :]**


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